Terms of Use

1 — Your Use Constitutes Acknowledgement

By accessing or using this website, you agree to be bound by these Terms of Use. This agreement is formed by the act of using the site. No signature is required, which the Bureau acknowledges is convenient for both parties and mildly unsatisfying for anyone who enjoys signing things.

If you do not agree to these terms, you should not use this website. The Bureau notes that if you have read this far, you are already using the website, which makes this instruction somewhat circular. The Bureau has noted the circularity. It is filed.

These Terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you and Provocom LLC ("the Company," "we," "us"), trading as Gloriously Absurd Gaming.

* Lady Euphemia Quill notes that "constitutes a legally binding agreement" is doing considerable work in that sentence and deserves to be appreciated as such.

2 — On the Current State of Affairs (Beta)

This website and all associated games, tools, and services are provided in an early operational state — the Bureau's preferred term is "initial filing period," which conveys the same meaning with considerably more institutional dignity.

You use this website and its games as is: in the state they are currently in, including any faults, gaps, or osquitudalent configurations not yet addressed.

The Bureau makes no warranty — express, implied, or statutory — that:

• the website will be available at any particular time;
• the games will function without irregularity;
• any data submitted will be retained without interruption;
• the Bureau's assessments are accurate, though the Bureau considers this unlikely.

If something goes wrong, the Bureau is sorry. The Bureau is also, currently, working on it.

* Dr. Samuel Footnote notes that "as is" is historically the most honest phrase in commercial law. He recommends it be used more widely, in more contexts, by more people, including heads of state.

3 — What Belongs to the Bureau (Which Is Most Things)

All content on this website — including text, games, software, graphics, logos, the vocabulary project, the Bureau Suitability Assessment programme, and all NPC characters — is owned by or licensed to Provocom LLC, protected by United States and international intellectual property law.

"Gloriously Absurd Gaming," "GAG," "Bureau of Cubical Reassembly," "Bureau of Civilisational Assessment," "Galaxy of Unnecessary Quests," "The Bureau Circular," and all invented vocabulary including Plausibly, Conventiculate, Obliquitudinally, Plausibund, Osquitudalent, Cubular, Misorientious, Quarterwise, and Refilingate are trademarks and/or original creative works of Provocom LLC.

You may not reproduce, distribute, or modify any Bureau-owned material without prior written permission from Provocom LLC, directed to press@gloriouslyabsurd.com. Mrs Henderson will review the request. The review will be thorough.

* The Bureau Research Collective notes that nine vocabulary words appearing in a legal document is, after sub-committee review, the correct number. A working group has confirmed this.

4 — Email, Consent, and the Bureau Circular

By providing your email address on this website, you are consenting to receive the Bureau Circular — a newsletter from Gloriously Absurd Gaming dispatched when something of consequence occurs. This is commercial email communication.

Under the United States CAN-SPAM Act, you may opt out at any time using the unsubscribe link in every dispatch. The Bureau will process your unsubscription promptly. Mrs Henderson will note it. This is how she operates.

We will not sell, rent, or share your email address with third parties for marketing purposes. We collect it solely to send the Bureau Circular. In plain terms: you are signing up for our newsletter. That is all.

* Gerald Warmington once subscribed to seventeen newsletters simultaneously while travelling. He still receives three of them. He does not remember signing up for any. He reads them all with great interest.

5 — Conduct Becoming of a Bureau Registrant

When using this website and its games, you agree not to:

• attempt to access systems beyond what is publicly available;
• interfere with or overload the website's infrastructure;
• submit false or misleading information in registration;
• use the website for any unlawful purpose;
• distribute paid content to third parties;
• impersonate Gloriously Absurd Gaming, Provocom LLC, Mrs Henderson, or any Bureau NPC. Mrs Henderson is particularly firm on this last point. She has filed a note specifically about it.

The Bureau reserves the right to terminate your access for violation of these terms. The Bureau will not enjoy doing this. The Bureau will do it regardless.

* Reginald Faults states that the prohibition on impersonating Mrs Henderson is not merely a legal requirement but a matter of civilisational importance. The chair has noted this. It is on file.

6 — Young Registrants (COPPA)

Every Gloriously Absurd Gaming product carries a Bureau Suitability Assessment with a minimum recommended age. The Bureau has considered these carefully. Mrs Henderson has reviewed them. They are correct.

In accordance with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), we do not knowingly collect personal information from children under 13 without verifiable parental consent. If you are under 13, you may play our free games without registering. You may not create an account or provide your email address without a parent or guardian's permission.

Parents: if you believe your child under 13 has provided personal information without your consent, contact help@gloriouslyabsurd.com. We will remove it promptly. Neither the Bureau nor Mrs Henderson is joking about this clause.

* Barbara North notes that the worst thing in any Bureau game is a strongly-worded notice, and that the Bureau has reviewed every game for household suitability. She considers this sufficient. She is also someone's mother.

7 — Limitation of Liability

To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, Provocom LLC shall not be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising from your use of, or inability to use, this website or its games — including loss of data, loss of profits, or any other intangible loss.

In states that do not allow exclusion of certain warranties or limitation of liability, our liability is limited to the greatest extent permitted by law.

The Bureau acknowledges this is the clause that makes lawyers comfortable and everyone else slightly uneasy. The Bureau's position: "consequential loss from a free comedy game" is a phrase worth examining carefully before proceeding to litigation.

* Bob Bean notes that "to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law" requires a definition, the definition requires a sub-clause, and the sub-clause requires a footnote. This is the footnote. It refers you to the phrase.

8 — The Permanent Free Status of The Matter of the Misorientious Cube

The Bureau of Cubical Reassembly is free. It has always been free. It will always be free. This is not a promotional offer. It is not a trial. It is a permanent institutional commitment by Provocom LLC. No payment will ever be required to play. This clause shall survive any amendment to these Terms of Use.

* Arthur Mostly notes that the probability of a company voluntarily constraining its commercial options in a legal document is statistically very small. He finds this interesting.

9 — Governing Law and Jurisdiction

These Terms shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of Michigan, United States, without regard to conflict of law provisions. Any dispute arising from these terms shall be subject to the exclusive jurisdiction of the courts of the State of Michigan.

The Bureau notes that the State of Michigan and the Bureau of Civilisational Assessment are two distinct institutions with different scopes of authority. Michigan governs legal disputes. The Bureau governs civilisational assessments. There is no overlap. Both parties consider this satisfactory.

* Lee Oddly once had a dispute resolved in Michigan. He describes it as very specifically Michiganian. Bob Exactly has asked him to elaborate. He has declined.

10 — Amendments

The Bureau reserves the right to amend these Terms at any time. Changes will be posted on this page with an updated effective date. Continued use after amendment constitutes acceptance of the revised terms. The Bureau will make reasonable efforts to notify registered users of material changes via the Bureau Circular. Mrs Henderson will be aware of the changes before the notification is sent. She always is.

11 — Contact

Queries about these Terms should be directed to:
Provocom LLC, trading as Gloriously Absurd Gaming
help@gloriouslyabsurd.com

The Bureau will respond. The Bureau will respond in its own time. The response will, however, arrive.

* These Terms were reviewed by the full Comedy Panel. All thirteen members had notes. Archibald Odd moved that the document include a fish. This was his fifteenth declined fish motion. The fish is not in the document. The motion is on file.